I have been very fortunate

Caring people have been helping me – helping me to live a Life Worth Living

What a concept – living life

I’ve been use to just surviving a day at a time

Living life is something totally foreign for me

AND now I am on a Life Worth Living quest

Who would have imagined?

Not me!

Now on this life quest of mine I’ve come across many unusual words

Once such word is Dialectics

It sounds like the answer to a crossword puzzle, or a Jeopardy question

But what is the question?

  • What is “acknowledging that two opposite views can both be 100% true at the same time”?

Dialectics is at the heart of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy – DBT

Marsha Linehan created DBT to help her patients find relief from their mental distress

She saw her patients struggling

When she only validated her patients, her patients became unmotivated

When she only asked her patients to change, they felt pushed and invalidated

What was she to do?

She validated them AND she helped them change their behavior and DBT was born!

Note: (validate – to recognize the legitimacy of how one is feeling, or what one is experiencing)


In DBT we are challenged and taught skills to:

Accept what we cannot Change – Ourselves


Change what can be Changed – Ourselves


In Dialectics we have two opposite views AND both are true

It means we have tension and discomfort AND we learn how to live with this tension and discomfort

We learn to say:

I am doing the best I can (Acceptance)


I need to do better (Change)


Both are 100% true statements


  1. AND is In, BUT is Out
  2. No One Owns the Truth
  3. Factual Words NOT Extreme Words


  1. AND is In – BUT is Out

Two opposite views can be correct at the same time.

AND includes both views – BUT discredits (negates, invalidates) one of the views

 I can take care of myself  
I need help and support from others  
  1. No One Owns the Truth

Find the kernel of truth in both sides of opposing views

  • Finding a way to validate the other person’s point of view
    • Your viewpoint has value AND I currently support another view
  1. Use Factual Words NOT Extreme Words

 Extreme words make it difficult to find the balance of Dialectics

 “Everyone always treats me poorly.”

Always & everyone – both extreme words

“Sometimes I am treated fairly AND at other times I am treated unfairly”

AND helps us to avoid extreme words

Now we know the basics of Dialectics AND we will continue to learn more.

-Margaret A